The Trust Deficit: Am I Part Of The Problem?

John: 00:00:00

Listener, this was only gonna be a LinkedIn article, but I wanted to

2

: 00:00:03

make sure that you had an opportunity to

listen, watch whatever your preference

3

: 00:00:08

is and so that nobody misses out.

4

: 00:00:11

'cause not everyone loves

reading newsletters.

5

: 00:00:13

Right?

6

: 00:00:14

And this is really about

the, uh, trust deficit.

7

: 00:00:17

That is going on, not just in the speaking

and coaching industry, but certainly very,

8

: 00:00:22

very spectacularly obvious in the world

of personal and professional development.

9

: 00:00:28

And I had some thoughts, wanted to

share them with you and if that's a

10

: 00:00:31

conversation that you are interested

in having, that you want to check

11

: 00:00:34

out a little bit about my thoughts on

what really is going on, what's been

12

: 00:00:38

causing this, and how to make sure that.

13

: 00:00:41

We are not part of the problem as well.

14

: 00:00:43

'cause hopefully you don't want

to be just adding to the noise.

15

: 00:00:46

Certainly that's a position that

we can easily find ourselves in.

16

: 00:00:49

So I put a few things in here to

help you even check in with yourself

17

: 00:00:54

as to whether you might be part

of the problem unwittingly or not.

18

: 00:00:57

I am not judging anyone with

any of this conversation.

19

: 00:01:00

But that's really the essence of it.

20

: 00:01:02

What is the problem?

21

: 00:01:03

Are we contributing to it,

and what can we do about it?

22

: 00:01:07

So that's what I'm gonna

get into on this episode.

23

: 00:01:09

I hope you'll enjoy it.

24

: 00:01:09

And I have moved my interview episode

with Marianne Hickman out to Friday.

25

: 00:01:14

So you'll still be getting an

interview episode this week?

26

: 00:01:16

I'm doing two episodes this week.

27

: 00:01:18

Don't get used to it.

28

: 00:01:19

I need to catch up a bit

on some of my interviews.

29

: 00:01:21

I've got too many great guests and not

enough slots on my podcast calendar, and

30

: 00:01:26

I want to get on with the updates that

I've been promising to the show as well.

31

: 00:01:29

So let's get to it.

32

: 00:02:01

I've been known to be a bit of a naval

gazer, and sometimes a bit too much.

33

: 00:02:06

I can be guilty of overthinking instead

of just getting on with it far more

34

: 00:02:10

often than I care to admit to as well.

35

: 00:02:12

So one thing that I feel probably has held

me back in the personal and professional

36

: 00:02:17

development world is my own inner skeptic,

my little Jiminy Cricket of conscience.

37

: 00:02:24

I have doubts.

38

: 00:02:26

Plenty of them.

39

: 00:02:27

In fact, I could write a whole book about

my doubts, but, but let's start here.

40

: 00:02:31

I doubt the people who say things

like, you just have to trust me, just

41

: 00:02:36

trust the process, just trust yourself.

42

: 00:02:40

The personal and professional development

industry usually promises transformation.

43

: 00:02:44

Ultimately it sells.

44

: 00:02:45

Hope, clarity, purpose,

confidence, wealth, happiness.

45

: 00:02:49

And depending on the funnel, uh, maybe

even a six figure lifestyle or three.

46

: 00:02:54

Strip away all the glossy branding,

and what you'll see is a trail of

47

: 00:02:57

disillusioned clients and burnt

out coaches that is left behind.

48

: 00:03:02

Now, you never really hear from

those people for the same reason

49

: 00:03:05

that you never hear who came in last.

50

: 00:03:07

In a race, we have a success bias.

51

: 00:03:10

No one is really rushing to post or

share their stories about the programs

52

: 00:03:13

that didn't work for them or the

failures that have left them broke.

53

: 00:03:17

We've built an industry on the

foundation of optimism, and

54

: 00:03:21

it now faces a trust deficit.

55

: 00:03:23

Now, I can't pretend that

I'm not part of that world.

56

: 00:03:26

Since you are reading

this, you might be too.

57

: 00:03:29

I speak, I coach.

58

: 00:03:30

I teach influence and communication.

59

: 00:03:32

When I scroll past a lot of this

noise about limitless mindset cliches

60

: 00:03:37

and 5:00 AM hustle evangelists,

it makes me a little bit uneasy.

61

: 00:03:41

These days, I can usually spot

who's legit and who's not,

62

: 00:03:44

but I think most people can't.

63

: 00:03:46

And, and there's also no way to

share that knowledge without it

64

: 00:03:50

sounding like I'm jealous, mean,

or bitter, or, or all three.

65

: 00:03:54

I seem to stand in the industry.

66

: 00:03:56

I seem to stand shoulders to shoulder

with the wishful thinkers, the snake

67

: 00:03:59

oil salespeople, and the trust me

bro, marketers, and I don't like it.

68

: 00:04:05

There's not much I can do about it,

It is not just the charlatans in the

69

: 00:04:08

industry that bother me, it is also the

well-meaning beginners who think that

70

: 00:04:12

completing a five day certification

course makes them ready to change lives.

71

: 00:04:17

It's the pseudoscience peddlers

who believe adding the word quantum

72

: 00:04:21

makes anything sound scientific.

73

: 00:04:23

It's the word salad merchants

whose messages sound profound

74

: 00:04:27

but really mean nothing.

75

: 00:04:30

It drives me mad and, and it mostly drives

me mad because I once fell for it as well.

76

: 00:04:37

Being real here.

77

: 00:04:37

The barrier for entry to coaching and

professional speaking is, is non-existent.

78

: 00:04:42

Really.

79

: 00:04:42

Anyone can call themselves a coach,

a speaker, or a course creator.

80

: 00:04:46

Even certifications don't

guarantee your competence.

81

: 00:04:49

It just proves that you've met

some arbitrary minimum standard.

82

: 00:04:54

Cue the Dunning Kruger effect

people thinking that they're experts

83

: 00:04:57

precisely because they have no

idea how much they don't know.

84

: 00:05:01

But I don't mean this as an expose.

85

: 00:05:03

This is meant to be a mirror.

86

: 00:05:05

I want to understand how good people

get swept along into a culture that

87

: 00:05:09

over promises and under delivers,

and how we can make sure that

88

: 00:05:13

we're not adding to the problem.

89

: 00:05:15

The irony for me is that my skepticism

is possibly the thing that protects

90

: 00:05:21

me most from the worst of it, and

probably has held me back to maybe,

91

: 00:05:27

maybe ignorance, really is bliss.

92

: 00:05:31

So Daniel Kahneman wrote In Thinking

Fast and Slow, that progressing toward

93

: 00:05:35

a goal often boosts our happiness.

94

: 00:05:38

And taking action feels good.

95

: 00:05:40

But if you fall off a ladder often

enough, you eventually start to

96

: 00:05:44

doubt the ladder, and at some

point you start to doubt yourself.

97

: 00:05:47

That's kind of where the industry is now.

98

: 00:05:49

After years of inflated claims,

cherry picked testimonials and

99

: 00:05:53

performative vulnerability.

100

: 00:05:55

People don't just doubt results.

101

: 00:05:57

They doubt us.

102

: 00:05:59

Too many people have been sold freedom

and ended up with debt instead.

103

: 00:06:04

Too many people bought belief and

received blame when it didn't work out.

104

: 00:06:08

Vulnerable people have been running

headfirst into fake tunnels,

105

: 00:06:11

painted onto walls just like Wiley

Cote in the Roadrunner cartoons.

106

: 00:06:16

So how do we rebuild credibility when

we not only have to prove our own, but

107

: 00:06:20

also make up for the industry shortfall?

108

: 00:06:25

Now, have I ever added to the noise?

109

: 00:06:27

Probably I've encouraged people to

buy big ticket programs without truly

110

: 00:06:32

knowing if it was right for them.

111

: 00:06:34

I've taught content for companies that

I would not personally stand behind.

112

: 00:06:39

Every industry though, has good and

bad actors, but I've often felt like

113

: 00:06:43

the atheist at church in this one.

114

: 00:06:45

I'm not buying what's been

sold unless it comes with some

115

: 00:06:48

evidence and no sales pressure.

116

: 00:06:51

Sometimes that means I have to

take a step back when the sales

117

: 00:06:54

start and, and I do flinch if I

sense any kind of sales pressure.

118

: 00:06:59

I too have had my trust damaged.

119

: 00:07:02

I do know for sure that many at the top

of the speaking coaching industry, food

120

: 00:07:07

chain, are not who they pretend to be.

121

: 00:07:10

Also, I know that money

often beats mission.

122

: 00:07:13

The list of genuinely ethical

industry players and operators,

123

: 00:07:17

unfortunately, is way shorter than

we would probably hope it to be.

124

: 00:07:21

Now after, after investing thousands of

pounds in my own personal development,

125

: 00:07:26

I'm not sure really that I've had

the returns that I was promised.

126

: 00:07:32

Now, have I grown?

127

: 00:07:33

Yes, but mostly through my own

learning, my own development into

128

: 00:07:38

diving into psychology, philosophy,

and critical thinking skills.

129

: 00:07:42

Not so much through the funnels

and frameworks, although somewhat,

130

: 00:07:46

somewhat through those things as well.

131

: 00:07:48

Now, the tried and tested things are the

things that have changed me the most, but

132

: 00:07:52

they're also what now drive me to speak up

for ethics and healthy skepticism, even if

133

: 00:07:57

it feels like I'm shouting into the void.

134

: 00:08:01

The bad actors and the magical thinkers

have damaged trust almost beyond repair.

135

: 00:08:05

And the reputation damage to the industry

is unfortunately, largely deserved the bro

136

: 00:08:11

marketers hiring mansions and Lamborghinis

to fake success of maybe more transparent

137

: 00:08:15

now, but as PT Barnum supposedly said,

there's a sucker born every minute.

138

: 00:08:21

Now one influence tool or weapon of

influence that Cialdini never really

139

: 00:08:26

fully covers or even labels as a

weapon of influence is confidence.

140

: 00:08:30

People buy confidence.

141

: 00:08:33

We trust certainty over doubt, even

in life and death situations.

142

: 00:08:37

The problem is that anyone can perform

confidence and that makes it hard to

143

: 00:08:43

tell the con from the competent and the

reason why we have confidence tricksters.

144

: 00:08:49

Some coaches do keep teaching what they

no longer believe in because it sells.

145

: 00:08:53

Now they may justify it as giving

people what they want, but the money

146

: 00:08:56

doesn't just buy their groceries.

147

: 00:08:58

It also buys their integrity like

the minister who's lost their faith

148

: 00:09:02

but still preaches for the paycheck.

149

: 00:09:05

I do think we can understand that and

have some sympathy for it, but ultimately

150

: 00:09:09

it's taking us out of our integrity.

151

: 00:09:11

Now meanwhile, the, the online

algorithms reward noise,

152

: 00:09:15

looks, outrage and pay to play.

153

: 00:09:18

Thoughtful, ethical voices are

harder to find and harder to hear.

154

: 00:09:21

It's tempting to play the game and you

know, I'll be honest, I have been tempted.

155

: 00:09:27

The key for, the key for

comforting lies is always way

156

: 00:09:30

longer than the one hard truths.

157

: 00:09:32

And the question really is,

do you want to be a comfort

158

: 00:09:36

blanket or, or a truth teller?

159

: 00:09:39

The ethical path isn't a hopeless one.

160

: 00:09:42

It is, but it is harder.

161

: 00:09:44

It just means.

162

: 00:09:45

Committing to trust

building over quick wins.

163

: 00:09:48

And that's the step that most

short-term operators get because they

164

: 00:09:51

never really plan to stick around.

165

: 00:09:54

They just wanna get to the top

as quickly as they possibly can.

166

: 00:09:57

But I'm not pretending that

I've never made mistakes.

167

: 00:10:00

I, I have, and awareness

brings responsibility.

168

: 00:10:04

I think the world does

not need more gurus.

169

: 00:10:07

It needs more guides, needs

more ethics, integrity, and,

170

: 00:10:10

and real Talk about complexity.

171

: 00:10:12

And I think here are a few

ways maybe to start that.

172

: 00:10:16

One would be to be honest about

the effort required to change.

173

: 00:10:20

'cause that kind of thing filters out

the quick fix crowd, the tire kickers and

174

: 00:10:25

attract the people who can handle reality.

175

: 00:10:28

Maybe second is to promise

less and deliver more.

176

: 00:10:31

Stop stacking bonuses like

some kind of clearance sale.

177

: 00:10:34

'cause probably no one

will open them anyway.

178

: 00:10:36

I can't think of a time

when I ever really have.

179

: 00:10:39

Thirdly, teach principles,

not prescriptions.

180

: 00:10:42

You are the guide, not a superhero with

a savior complex, I hope empower people

181

: 00:10:48

to help themselves, don't become the

person that they depend on for solutions.

182

: 00:10:54

Four would be to invite scrutiny,

because if you can't defend your ideas,

183

: 00:10:58

I think you don't really believe them.

184

: 00:11:01

Discussion and challenge will

earn you credibility, and if the

185

: 00:11:03

legs fall off your belief table,

you can always build a new one.

186

: 00:11:09

Fifth would be to stay a student.

187

: 00:11:11

The true masters who I met studying

martial arts in Japan were humble,

188

: 00:11:15

eternal students, and they showed me

that getting my black belt wasn't the

189

: 00:11:19

finish line, but just the starting block.

190

: 00:11:22

So what's needed now is not hype merchants

or miracle cure peddlers, but trusted

191

: 00:11:28

guides with humility and consistency.

192

: 00:11:31

Big promises will not rebuild trust,

steady, consistent integrity will.

193

: 00:11:37

The unethical operators eventually will

crumble under their own full weight.

194

: 00:11:41

The ethical ones will stay standing.

195

: 00:11:44

Yeah.

196

: 00:11:44

This path is not easy.

197

: 00:11:46

You will probably watch others

succeed faster by taking shortcuts,

198

: 00:11:50

and that will sting stings me.

199

: 00:11:52

Is a little bit like

investing for capital gains.

200

: 00:11:55

It compounds quietly.

201

: 00:11:57

The others well.

202

: 00:11:58

They have to live with the truth

of what they've done and the

203

: 00:12:01

shortcuts that they've taken.

204

: 00:12:03

If you're not part of the problem, though,

you can be part of the solution, and

205

: 00:12:06

the world is rarely black or white, but

we still get to choose where we stand.

206

: 00:12:12

Now in an industry that's built on

influence, the most powerful thing

207

: 00:12:16

you can do is refuse to fake it.

208

: 00:12:18

Be authentic and true to your voice.

209

: 00:12:20

Now if you work in personal

professional development, if you are

210

: 00:12:23

a speaker or a coach or an expert

business owner or consultant, have

211

: 00:12:28

you also noticed the trust deficit?

212

: 00:12:31

And if you have, what are

you doing to rebuild it?

213

: 00:12:33

I'd like to hear from you.

214

: 00:12:34

Get in touch.

215

: 00:12:35

If if you're on YouTube,

leave a comment underneath.

216

: 00:12:37

And if you are on the podcast, well

maybe connect with me on LinkedIn

217

: 00:12:41

and, uh, find the article and share

your comments and thoughts there.

218

: 00:12:44

But please do join me for my

next episode where I'm gonna be

219

: 00:12:47

speaking with Marianne Hickman.

220

: 00:12:49

Marianne's in a very similar

area to myself, teaching,

221

: 00:12:51

training, communication skills.

222

: 00:12:52

We talk a lot about humor and

communication and speaking, and

223

: 00:12:57

the great, fun conversation.

224

: 00:12:58

She has a lot of energy.

225

: 00:12:59

You're gonna love her.

226

: 00:13:01

Uh, tune in on Friday for that.

227

: 00:13:02

We'll see you there.