Open Mic Nights: The Art of Getting Up and Falling Hard

John: 00:00:00

Hey, welcome to the show and, um, thanks for joining me for this.

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This is a, a bonus episode and I'm

gonna explain why I'm doing this bonus.

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Again, a bit of a wealth of bonus episodes

at the moment, telling you about some

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of the updates of the show, giving,

throwing out a few extras to try and catch

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up with my interview episodes as well.

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Get everything ready to be able to

move into this next phase of how I want

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things to be running with the show.

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In the meantime, it's a bit of

work to get all that on track.

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I'm recognizing that I have to put out

a little extra in order to do that.

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This episode is just about, uh, a

recent comedy set that I did, and

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so it might not be interesting for

everybody, but I do feel that as

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speakers, this comedy bit, this humor,

making people laugh is so important.

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Every professional speaker.

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I talk about this with the

speaker bookers, the speaking

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professionals in the industry.

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Whenever I bring up the topic of

being funny and humor, everybody

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says the same thing, that it is super

important, uh, to the point where

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there's even standard jokes in the

industry about, um, do you have to be

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funny to be a professional speaker?

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And generally the answer is

only if you want to get paid.

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So this is a really important part

and whilst this is not me saying

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you have to do standup comedy and

become a professional comedian,

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I do think open mic nights are a

great way to develop this skill.

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It's super confronting.

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For sure.

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You risk bombing.

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Absolutely.

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It doesn't feel good to bomb, perhaps.

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But the only reason I was ever even

able to do this, it's been on my

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bucket list for a long time, like

one of those things like I wanted

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to do was scared of doing it.

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And it was on my bucket list.

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I definitely want to do that, but I

was putting it off, putting it off.

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Even when last year, one of my friends

told me that there was some English

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speaking open mic nights in Valencia.

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I was like, oh, great.

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I must go along to it

sometime and check that out.

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And then at some point, I think it was

just after interviewing Judy Carter,

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I decided that I would go for it.

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Judy inspired me to just go for it

and, uh, the fact that Judy, even now

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at this point in her career, is still

doing open mic nights to challenge

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herself and to have fun with that.

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I love that.

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I think, yeah, okay, I

should be doing this.

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This is a good thing.

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So I booked in and I gave myself

complete permission to flop.

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And, uh, thankfully I didn't,

several people before me did that

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made me feel better in case I did.

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And so I, I felt like the stakes were

super low when I got on that stage.

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And it was okay if I flopped because

I gave it a go and I could always come

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back and try again if I wanted to.

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And, um, so some of you maybe have heard

this before if you've been following the.

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This particular gig only my,

like my fifth or sixth open mic.

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I haven't been counting them.

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Maybe I should, but I think it's

like my number five open mic night.

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This is still new.

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I'm still a baby when it

comes to open mic comedy.

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Um, but I was doing a 10 minute

set for the first time ever.

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The biggest audience, I've done

stand up to over 50 people.

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I didn't close it to 60.

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And, uh, a full set of comics,

some of them professional comics.

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And, um, uh, and a very

professional venue as well.

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Much nicer venue than I've, I've

previously been performing in.

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And, um, it was such an amazing

night and I wanted to bring you that

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experience, but also to highlight

that this is still new for me.

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I'm still finding My

comedy lens if you like.

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I dunno if I ever really will, but I'm

gonna keep giving her a go because I,

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some people, some comedians take years

to find that I may not get that far.

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Um, but I'm gonna keep sticking with it.

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I'm getting some thoughts, some clues

maybe as to what that might be, and

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I want to keep practicing it, but.

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The, I can't tell you how amazing

it feels making people laugh when

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you've actually gone there with the

intention of making people laugh.

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When the stuff that you find that funny

in your own head that you think will

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be funny, turns out to be funny to

other people, but maybe not a hundred

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percent of it, and that's why we

have to test out material sometimes.

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I don't think it's a great idea to test

out comedy material or jokes at paid gigs.

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If you're gonna try and throw a bit

of humor into one of your talks or

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workshops or anything like that,

you're better to know that you're

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gonna get a laugh than a groan or, uh,

people just rolling their eyes at you.

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Um, and, and one of the ways to do

that is to practice being funny.

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So, you know, this is a really

important way, but super confronting

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because most of us are scared of it.

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I don't think it's unreasonable

to have that fear, but we are more

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resilient than we often give ourselves

credit for, and so just know that

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it's absolutely okay if you bomb.

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As you watch or listen to this

particular set, you know, some bits

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are funny, some bits not so much.

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Some bits still need to work on the setup.

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You know, this is not a

perfect set by any means.

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I would say it's probably the best

set I've done so far, but I wouldn't

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say it's a perfect comedy set.

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It's just improving on what

I've been doing so far.

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I probably had more laughs this

particular set than I've generally

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had in the sets that I've done before.

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And they've, they've always been

five minutes set up until now.

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Also, I was opening, which

was a new experience for me.

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Opening is tough and, uh, I'm very

glad that I wasn't on after the

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lady who was on after me, who was

a professional and, uh, very funny.

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Uh, so I felt like I got

to be a warmup for her.

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And, uh, it was just

an amazing atmosphere.

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Nobody bombed.

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Um, everyone did really, really well

and, um, I think you could probably

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spot the people who are really

comfortable on stage and professional

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over the people who weren't so much.

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Um, but the whole point of this is

have fun, practice some skills, make

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people laugh, enjoy the night, treat

it, almost treat it as a night out.

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But you, you're doing, you're

doing some performance.

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And if you're like me

and you enjoy performing.

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This is a really, really

good way to do it.

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I think I've got far more out of doing

a standup comedy than, I hate to say

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it, than I ever did out of Toastmasters.

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I apologize, Toastmasters, but

that's the, that's the truth.

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In fact, uh, I think one of the only

ones I ever, one of the only awards

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I ever won in Toastmasters was for

a humorous speaking competition.

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So that maybe says a lot about me.

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Um.

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But with this and the storytelling that

I've been doing, I'm gonna try maybe

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do some more storytelling soon as well.

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Uh, I think these are critical skills that

we can be practicing getting some stage

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time, and, uh, this is one way that I was

doing that, but you may notice by sound or

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seem a little less confident than maybe it

would be better to be as a comedian where

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I'm a little hesitant or maybe struggling

to find myself maybe not as well polished

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or rehearsed as I could have been.

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Um, even though I was pretty well

practiced and I got through the whole

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thing without even having to look at my

set list just about to scrape through it.

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I hope you'll enjoy the standup.

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If you don't, if you don't like

it, if it's not for you, great.

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That's fine.

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Comedy is such a subjective thing.

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Uh, there's some naughty language in it.

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I will say that, uh, if you don't like bad

language, you may want to stop listening

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or skip over those bits or plug your ears.

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There's no warnings, but you'll

probably get a sense where they're

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coming and, let me share this with you.

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The, the comedy nights I've been doing,

the open mics that I have performed in

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the people have been very supportive.

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The audiences, even if I haven't been

super funny, have been super supportive.

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And the comedians as well, that everyone

involved has been really encouraging.

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Um, whereas maybe been a bit

less encouragement, has been

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sharing stuff on YouTube, and

you have to be ready for that.

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Like YouTube is full of trolls and

people who just want to share negativity

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and, and criticize others, and fair

enough, you know, you have to, we

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have to let that roll off our back.

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But, you know, those voices

can definitely sting and hurt

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and, and they do come through.

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This is where, myself included, we

have to practice mental resilience.

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I know that that stuff's gonna come up.

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Let it be water off a duck's back.

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Let roll it off.

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It.

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Say, oh, thanks for sharing.

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Thanks for your feedback.

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Uh, but don't, don't react to it.

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Don't let it get you angry.

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Don't let it bring you down because.

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Probably far more of the people

who enjoy it aren't actually

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commenting or saying stuff.

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You know, people might

put the likes on there.

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Um, but the fact that someone says,

oh, you're not funny, and then like,

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get 7,000 views on a video and, uh,

18 plus likes and stuff is like, well,

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I think there's some people who might

disagree with that, so Fair enough.

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If you don't find it funny.

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Now I, if I was a singer, which

I, which I'm not, and I'm not

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gonna be doing that anytime soon.

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Um, but if I was a singer and you

didn't like me as a singer, great.

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Go and listen to someone else

who you do like, but don't, don't

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spend your time trying to tear

other people down when other people

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do like someone else's singing.

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You know, we saw that, you see

this all the time with like famous.

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Famous singers.

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You see it with famous comedians as well.

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Um, people want to tear them down.

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It's like, well, that's a horrible

way to be, uh, focusing your energy,

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uh, on pulling other people down

when you could actually just move

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on, and focus on what's good.

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Focus on what you like and

uh, okay, absolutely fine.

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Say I know what, I don't find them funny

or I don't like their singing, or I don't

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particularly like, don't love that person.

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That's absolutely fine.

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There are comedians and singers who

I don't enjoy either, but I don't

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feel the need to go onto their

social media or anything else and

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talk about how much I hate them.

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So, uh, so I think that's a horrible way.

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To invest your energy, please don't do it.

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But, um, there's not nearly enough

encouragement or support in the world.

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And, and so when you do find

environments where you get that, great,

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take it wherever you can find it.

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And don't listen.

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Don't pay too much attention

to the negative voices.

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If there's something to

learn or value in what they.

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Take it and use it.

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But if it's just to pull you down,

and you do have to think what is

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their intention with their comment.

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If it's just to pull you down, ignore

it, move on, get on with your life.

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Uh, shake it off as

Taylor Swift would say.

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So, uh, let's get to the comedy set.

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For those of you who want

to, um, just remember there's

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some naughty words in here.

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There's some, uh, naughty themes, and I

hope you enjoy it and it makes you laugh.

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And if it doesn't, I'm sorry.

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But, uh, I'm gonna keep trying and

keep going and I hope you will as well.

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And I hope you'll share your

comedy attempts with me as well.

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I would love to see it, hear from you.

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If you are inspired to get

up on an open mic night.

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And, um, video it so that, uh, so you

can share it with me or if you're happy

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to put it out online, I'll come and

give you some online support as well.

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Alright, let's get to

the, let's get to the set.

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thank you, Miss Fukov Um, I, I did

actually prepare comedy set, but my

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fucking dog ate on the way here, so,

uh, I had to copy Cynthia's homework and

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so I'm just gonna do my best with that.

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Cinthia: It's all wrong

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John: thank you for coming.

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How are you all doing??

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Thank God it's a bit drier right?

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It's rained so much this week,

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I thought I was back in England.

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It's been terrible, but I'm really,

really, really happy be here tonight

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with you all and sharing some

school memories or more accurately,

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perhaps some school trauma.

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And I wonder any you were fortunate enough

e survived school back in the: 1980

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Any, anyone?

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Loads of you are like

wasn't even born, mate.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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few fellow survivors, well welcome.

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You can tell who we are.

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You see the haunted look in our eyes

having survived that whole experience.

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But you know, the eighties was a

great time for music, a horrible

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time fashion, and really a

decade full of childhood trauma,

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for those who were lucky enough, the

only kids with had more trauma from the

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eighties were the ones in Stranger Things.

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So.

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I don't know if you've ever

heard of corporal punishment.

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Have you ever heard of

corporal punishment?

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I hope you haven't.

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I hope you don't even know what it is.

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Well, I'm gonna enlighten you anyway.

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For those who do, this is a form

of punishment that was administered

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to children in schools in the

form of like a bamboo cane, a

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leather strap, or a a slipper.

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The backside of a slipper.

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Barbaric, right?

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Absolutely barbaric.

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And you think, oh, yeah, well, maybe

in Charles Dickens time, that was It

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wasn't actually banned UK until 19 86,

19 86, so you could still technically

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give children a beating until then.

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But, you know, I'm happy to

say I, I was never given any

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corporal punishment at school.

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I was a, a pretty good kid, but

there was one kid at school and,

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you know, the, the teachers, I

don't know, they, they were kind of

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massochistic especially the older ones.

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Who had been very used to

dishing out corporal punishment.

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You could see in their eyes they still

wanted to, they were still ready with the

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leather strap or whatever was available.

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But this one kid in my class, he

was like, what we call disruptive.

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Now he'd probably be diagnosed

with ADHD or something like that,

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but he was ever so disruptive,

especially in Mr Collins class.

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'cause Mr.

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Collins class was boring and

so he started making noise.

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rah, rah.

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Rah,

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Shut up, boy.

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Go and stand the corner.

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Even louder.

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You've got detention now.

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even louder, Tasmanian devil or something,

but he just got louder and louder and

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some Collins snapped and whipped out a

slipper that he'd obviously been keeping

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ready such moment in his desk drawer,

and the boy's pants down gave a bare

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side, a bare sided front the whole class.

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Now we never saw Mr Collins again after

that, and I think maybe they could have

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forgiven him for the, for the spanking,

but I think the bare ass spanking

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was probably a, a, a step too far.

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But I'm happy to say I was

a pretty good kid at school.

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But, um, this is gonna come as a

shock to some you, but I wasn't

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the most athletic of children.

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I know.

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Take a moment to try

and absorb that you can.

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I wasn't very athletic so there was

one hour on school timetable each

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week that I absolutely dreaded.

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You can probably imagine what it is.

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P.E

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physical education and at my school,

'cause it was a bit common, uh,

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it was football, nearly football,

unless weather was absolutely

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horrific and snow was covered,

covering everything we'd be inside.

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So otherwise it was football and it

was an hour of ritual humiliation.

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And that was even if you

remembered your gym kit.

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'cause if you didn't, would

go do it in your underwear.

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So I know it's, these days,

this is shocking, right?

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But back then this was just normal.

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So one hour of ritual humiliation.

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And so even if you remembered your

gym kit, you could standing there.

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I I would always be the last to be

picked or one the last boys picked.

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So that was humiliating.

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And then the other be arguing over

whether they wanted to pick the boy

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couldn't kick properly or pick the boy who

possibly had potentially terminal asthma.

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And I, I didn't have asthma.

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I the other one.

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So was always humiliating well.

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And I'd always be stuck in goal.

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Always the goalie.

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Not because I was any good there, not

'cause I could actually do anything,

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but because I had a bit a growth spurt

and So I was one the biggest kids

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in my year at that particular time.

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And so they stuck me goal there was of me.

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So more chance that the ball would

be deflected on it's way in there,

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like some kind human bollard.

308

: 00:15:00

It was really hour of me standing,

usually rain, 'cause this was

309

: 00:15:04

England, uh, in muddy pool, at the

end of the pitch, looking at all boys

310

: 00:15:07

like, generally 200 yards away and

thinking how are they enjoying this?

311

: 00:15:13

And that particular opinion has

not changed in all this time.

312

: 00:15:17

But there was one thing about PE that I

did forward to, and along with the bit

313

: 00:15:24

of, uh, some other changes, shall we say.

314

: 00:15:26

know, um, hair appearing in

places and certain interesting

315

: 00:15:31

feelings that started to arise.

316

: 00:15:34

And so one, one particular person who

was the cause of a lot of, should we say,

317

: 00:15:40

spontaneous erections at that particular

time, which was my gym teacher Mr.

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: 00:15:46

Dover.

319

: 00:15:47

So so, to the point where I'd have stand

with my gym bag in front crotch it away.

320

: 00:15:54

And, and so it almost made worth

going to PE just to see Mr Dover, his

321

: 00:15:59

hairy legs and chest in his gym kit.

322

: 00:16:02

And, uh, you sadly, uh, Mr Dover is,

uh, no longer the source spontaneous

323

: 00:16:07

erections for me, but, um, he would be in

his eighties or something by now anyway,

324

: 00:16:13

so, um, but also, you know, spontaneous

erections at my age, they're not really

325

: 00:16:19

I mean, I'd need a, an adrenaline shot,

a bumpy bus ride, and some kind of

326

: 00:16:24

splint to even get me halfway there.

327

: 00:16:26

So probably probably not gonna happen.

328

: 00:16:31

I, I wasn't, I wasn't bad kid school.

329

: 00:16:33

I, I didn't hate it.

330

: 00:16:34

I just, didn't love either, and

I, couldn't really be bothered.

331

: 00:16:39

And so that was really the thing.

332

: 00:16:40

And so I used to get pretty much the

same thing on my report cards all time.

333

: 00:16:44

Do you remember report cards?

334

: 00:16:45

They, everyone get those?

335

: 00:16:46

So all my report cards

was my still has them.

336

: 00:16:50

God knows why.

337

: 00:16:51

like 40 odd years later,

still has my old report cards.

338

: 00:16:54

They all said the same thing.

339

: 00:16:57

Could try harder.

340

: 00:16:59

Needs to focus more.

341

: 00:17:00

Needs to stop daydreaming.

342

: 00:17:02

John would be a very good student,

only he would apply himself.

343

: 00:17:06

Apply myself.

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: 00:17:07

What do mean Apply myself?

345

: 00:17:08

With what?

346

: 00:17:08

Fucking superglue?

347

: 00:17:10

What am I, a tampon?

348

: 00:17:11

Apply myself you talking about?

349

: 00:17:13

So I don't even, I think

they wrote this stuff.

350

: 00:17:17

It was all bullshit because they couldn't

say what they really wanted to, which was

351

: 00:17:20

Dear delinquent parent, this is to advise

you that your child is absolute little

352

: 00:17:26

shit who has no interest in school will

probably never amount to anything in life.

353

: 00:17:32

Never amount to anything in life?

354

: 00:17:34

Mrs.

355

: 00:17:35

Olcott, look me now standing a stage

in Valencia doing stand up comedy!

356

: 00:17:39

Amount to nothing?

357

: 00:17:41

Amount to nothing?

358

: 00:17:42

I think not.

359

: 00:17:44

I think not.

360

: 00:17:48

I wasn't really an enthusiastic child

and I didn't really get the gene for

361

: 00:17:53

athleticism or for enthusiasm or or.

362

: 00:17:56

even the intelligence gene.

363

: 00:17:57

I've all got the Dunning-Kruger gene.

364

: 00:17:59

That was the one that makes you

think that you good at stuff when

365

: 00:18:02

don't really know you're doing.

366

: 00:18:04

So it's working out for me so far,

but, uh it didn't really do that well

367

: 00:18:10

and I wasn't that bothered at school.

368

: 00:18:11

But, you know, I persevered

anyway and it wasn't so terrible.

369

: 00:18:16

But, um, you I, despite bad reports

and everything there was one thing

370

: 00:18:20

that I did get enthusiastic about.

371

: 00:18:22

One time, one day days In the where would

the gods would be separated from the boys.

372

: 00:18:29

The songs would be written for

centuries come about sporting

373

: 00:18:34

achievements beyond that other athlete.

374

: 00:18:37

We called it sports day.

375

: 00:18:39

And, uh, so Sacks would be jumped in.

376

: 00:18:42

three legs, race three-legged

races and uh, all sorts of weird

377

: 00:18:47

wonderful games would happen.

378

: 00:18:48

Eggs would balanced on spoons.

379

: 00:18:50

And all of that good stuff.

380

: 00:18:52

This is what sports.

381

: 00:18:53

This is the stuff where I

had a real chance shine.

382

: 00:18:56

The parents all come watch.

383

: 00:18:57

And I remember this particular sports

day on year that, uh, I was ready

384

: 00:19:03

'cause I was so big I ready for the

sack race I was gonna win that easy and

385

: 00:19:07

I I raced to the start jumping in my

stack, got there before everyone else.

386

: 00:19:11

Absolutely trounced

Everybody else won that.

387

: 00:19:13

No, no The next race was the three-legged

race, and they paired me With the,

388

: 00:19:20

the skinniest boy in whole school.

389

: 00:19:23

And um, I think they were trying

give me disadvantage to favour the,

390

: 00:19:28

the school golden boy Gary Sealey.

391

: 00:19:30

He was like captain of the team

and he was on telly one time,

392

: 00:19:33

so everyone loved And, so, so.

393

: 00:19:37

I took a slightly different

approach to the three-legged race

394

: 00:19:40

because I had the skinniest boy

in the school attached to my leg.

395

: 00:19:44

I just picked him up and run all the

way the finish line and won race.

396

: 00:19:50

Now.

397

: 00:19:52

you.

398

: 00:19:54

Now, the teachers did say

technically there was against

399

: 00:19:58

the rules for doing that, but it

wasn't maybe in spirit competition.

400

: 00:20:02

So, but I won, I, I, came to win.

401

: 00:20:06

That's the most important thing.

402

: 00:20:08

There was a, more competition

it my biggest nemesis, the egg

403

: 00:20:12

spoon Who knows what race is?

404

: 00:20:15

a very thing, I think.

405

: 00:20:16

But you put an egg spoon have

to race the a hundred meters

406

: 00:20:19

and balance egg the spoon.

407

: 00:20:21

So I was getting ready for this.

408

: 00:20:22

I wasn't sure I was gonna win it.

409

: 00:20:24

Gary Sealey was looking a bit

more like a dead cert and, uh.

410

: 00:20:28

Other kids being disqualified as

the race was about to start teachers

411

: 00:20:32

finding gluing them eggs to their So I

I'm glad that I decided to play fair.

412

: 00:20:38

The race started and we went and I

got off to a bit a bad start 'cause

413

: 00:20:42

couldn't decide whether to go fast and

keep egg or whether go slow and balance.

414

: 00:20:47

And came somewhere between two.

415

: 00:20:49

But Gary Sealey was the only

that was further ahead of

416

: 00:20:52

me, he very nearly the line.

417

: 00:20:55

I thought, oh, damn it,

I'm gonna lose this.

418

: 00:20:56

I'm gonna lose these big

races to Gary bloody Sealey.

419

: 00:21:00

And just before line, dropped

his and then picked it up again

420

: 00:21:06

crossed line and won the race.

421

: 00:21:07

so, so I, I but when were prizes.

422

: 00:21:14

There was a bit of murmurring and all

of a sudden turned out that when he

423

: 00:21:17

that that last time, cracked his egg,

therefore him from the competition.

424

: 00:21:21

Meaning i won.

425

: 00:21:25

take it.

426

: 00:21:25

I'll take it.

427

: 00:21:26

Thank you very much.

428

: 00:21:27

I'll take it.

429

: 00:21:28

I, I don't remember what prize but

I it must been edible 'cause it

430

: 00:21:31

didn't make it home better, but a

day of history you know, I don't

431

: 00:21:36

really understand competitiveness.

432

: 00:21:39

I mean, I feel like at age 10.

433

: 00:21:41

I reached pinnacle of my athletic career.

434

: 00:21:44

And where go from there?

435

: 00:21:47

You So if you get start competing, you to

keep working keep and you get to the top.

436

: 00:21:52

You have to hard to keep competing.

437

: 00:21:55

And when you're there, you also

to go on a million to say how you

438

: 00:21:58

stoically, overcame all challenges

foregone everything, friends, family,

439

: 00:22:03

fun and all of that just to win.

440

: 00:22:06

And then only one way

from there, way to go.

441

: 00:22:10

So at I decided that just wasn't

worth And I retired from athletics.

442

: 00:22:14

Gracefully retired from athletics.

443

: 00:22:17

Because frankly, you know, if you at some

point you're gonna think you're in the

444

: 00:22:26

So that, that's it me.

445

: 00:22:28

I have go write your report cards now.

446

: 00:22:30

I'm gonna put could try

harder on all of them.

447

: 00:22:41

Goodnight